Spinning Jenny

Where I live, the snow has finally melted. What is left behind is a dirty, mucky mess topped with dried half-rotted leaves, and garbage blown by the fierce prairie winds that never seem to cease. I too, some days, feel as though I never seem to cease blowing around, being torn in one direction after another.

At work, we were moved back to our old job duties for two weeks and I did not enjoy this step. Thankfully, once they were all caught up, our team was able to return to our normal job duties. This was a welcomed return.

Second, We are torn between food, fuel, and medicine. This economy is cutting us thin, shaving our happy temperments into shreds. The commute is eating our money, the heating oil is eating our money, and we are eating our money. Perhaps someone should be tell those hungry monsters that it's time to stop chomping on the American people. If the Republican government had a backbone or a conscience, they would impose a cap on fuel prices, tax the oil companies for any profits over a certain amount, or something. But no, they stand idly by because they are making more money than ever-records profits for the past few years while the rest of America is falling into record debt.

I read an article about how someone blamed Americans for living beyond their means. I understand this and I agree to some extent. Some people bought houses too big and too expensive for their needs. They wanted the high end life on a middle priced budget. But I think we are living reasonably. I have a seven year old car, and I don't have a remote starter, I don't have power windows or power locks. My boyfriend has a ten years old truck because it's for his business and it's what he fits in. We bought an inexpensive house and skipped buying the stainless steel appliances insteading choosing the cheaper white ones. We have two small puppies who do not wear designer collars or have excess frills. We don't go to the movies, we don't have the internet, we don't have big screen tv's, we don't wear brand name clothing except for tennis shoes, we don't go on vacations, we don't do so many things and still we cannot make it.

It's a struggle month to month. And there is no reason for this except to line some oil man's pockets. I don't understand why cars in America don't have the same fuel efficiency that Europe's cars have had for decades, why we don't have all hybrid cars, why they aren't building more wind farms, solar energy cells, why the government isn't helping us tighten our belts like Jimmy Carter did in the 1970's by putting on a sweater and turning down the heat.

So far, they are just turning up the global warming heat and the heat on America's paychecks which are burning through faster and faster. I do not approve of this message.

Time and Again

Hey all in Blogger world!

So much to tell, so little space to tell it...

Maybe.

We have another addition to our family. His name is Norris. He is a pure bred Chihuahua raised by The Boy's mom. Norris was part of the last batch of puppies The Boy's mom was having. He weighs a whole four pounds and has lots of fun with his sister Hurley. Though, Hurley does get a little too rough sometimes for such a little guy. He was the only puppy without a home, so The Boy and I adopted him. I think he's good for Hurley who is quite hyperactive. Norris is named after Chuck Norris. After all, a four pound dog needs a tough name.

We now have a full house and are enjoying the puppies quite a bit. My parents met their Grand-Puppies a couple of weekends ago and loved them.

A funny story to tell about them....

The Boy and I enjoyed the wonderful weather outside yesterday. We grilled, took down the storm windows, put up the screens, watched the puppies frolic in the yard, and sat in the sun. Whlie sitting there watching the puppies, I noticed Norris who was not on a leash wander off to the side of the house. When he came back to where I could see him, he had something in his mouth. Norris must have thought it a real treasure since he pranced in front of a leashed Hurley just like a prince flaunting his new pony, just out of her reach. However, Norris's "I have something great and you don't" attitude was too much for him to handle. He had to show it off to Hurley, who promptly stole it from him once Norris was in Hurley's reach. Curiosity finally got the best of me and I went over to where they were playing. The object of their affection and admiration was a turb, yes one of Hurley's dried up winter turds.

I took it away from them and they were no longer the royalty of refuse, they went back to being their old selves.

Welcome to the Family

Meet Hurley, our new dog. She is a half beagle, half rat terrier cross. She's a cutie and she's already made her way deep into our hearts after only a week of being with us. If Hurley doesn't like us, it's too bad. We love her and she's stuck with us!

It's Chocolate Chip

I am a slacker.

However, folks. I have come up with a plan. I shall type my entries into word at home, then pop into the library and post a few at a time. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up and catch up with you all.

I miss blogging quite terribly, and I realize how spot on it feels to do it. I feel so freed and invigorated. Not that I usually have anything to blog about. :o) Let's see what's been happening in the past few weeks, or has it been months?

It's been absolutely cold. So frigid that when I have to fill gas, I swear my face falls off. One day someone from out of state asked why I was pumping my own gas. I giggled and smiled, then though... ah, you haven't been here in the winter. NO ONE would want the job of pumping gas in the winter. No one. It's much too cold for that. I mean, come on, I am now faceless. :)

Let's see... my brother is making great leaps and bounds in this world. He's trying new meds, trying therapy, trying regular college, it's amazing. I am so proud and so happy he'd had the chance to experience what such a life can be like.

The Boy and I have puppy fever. We're on hold with this though since were not sure if his mom will give us one of the new puppies or not. I'd just like to know for once and all, to see if we should be loooking elsewhere. But I have been looking online and I am quite enamored with all the lovely dogs I see. So cute!

I broke a fingernail this morning trying to open my frozen car door and it didn't entirely gross me out. This is new. I got a haircut last week and I like it. I think it makes me look like a mature 12 year old, which is an improvement.

I hate the keyboard I am typing on. It has one of those little backspace keys and it's throwing me all off. Not to mention, I use one of the ergonomic keyboards at work and this keyboard is from the dark ages of computers.

I want to talk about trying right now. Not as in "these are trying times," but as in I'll give it a go. I met a man and emailed his wife about how impressed I am that they are giving something a go. This couple has eight biological children, why I don't know. His wife came from a family of 15 and he came from a large family, but not quite that massive. So, they wanted lots of kids to fill the house and recently they agreed to take on two foster kids. They receive no help from the government for their own kids nor will they get any for the two new kids. They will have these kisd for at least six months and may wind up with them forever as their single-parent mom was shipped off to Iraq. Before the mother left, things weren't going very well for her in the first place. However, now they have a happy albiet full home. The only problem is that they are lacking in clothing for the 9 month old girl since she came to them with few items. I did my best to give it a try and round up some items. Between my mother and I we purchased four shirts and two pairs of pants for the girl, and four shirt for the boy. I am ashamed that for all my trying, that is all I received.

However, I see them as an inspiration to give it a go and try something you want, something you know you can make better, make happier.

For now, I want to make a rescued dog better. I'm not read for children yet as I am so much of a child myself.

I still cry when someone else gets the last cookie. Speaking of.... where is my cookie?

Welcome Back, Kotter

Oh, my blogger friends, how I have missed thee.

I do not have internet access at home and I don't feel safe or comfortable blogging from work. So, here I am at the library, finally having to scratch the itch to blog. I've had so many ideas, so many stories, and thoughts that I've wanted to share, but alas it has not be an option. But perhaps, I shall make more frequent trips to the library until I am once again connected to the cyberworld.

I shall just run down a list of updates in life.

We have the Christmas tree up and decorated, however the rest of the house does not look as put together as the tree. This is unfortunate as we are having a house guest next week for three or four days. This shall be interesting and I will have to remember not to walk around naked, not an image I am sure you all wanted, but it's the truth you crave.

My mom had another back surgery on Monday. She is doing all right and seems to be more lucid post-surgery this time around. Her previous surgery in June left her telling people very interesting things. Let's just hope that this lucidity also brings pain relief and brings her back to walking again.

I have a new job within the company that I was working for, and it has been interesting. There is a team of five of us and we had four days of training. After those few days, we were sent off on our own to work. It's been a little scary and stressful, but I think we're pulling together as a team.

I have so much to report that I don't have anything else t report lest this becomes overwhelming. I hope you are all well and I am sorry I haven't been keeping up on reading your blogs. I dearly miss my DSL.

It's spelled H-O-M-E.

I'm a homeowner. I'm not quite sure I'm in love with this new title. I'd always dreamed of owning a home, except in my dreams I had ample money to decorate, to fix, add, subtract, and make the house all mine, all the time. If I wanted to switch rugs, curtains, wall color, etc. in my dreams, I did.

In reality, I have water leaking from the washing machine faucet. Both of the actual knobs to turn the water on and off, drip water, no spray water onto the floor. This is both a water hazzard and an electrical shock hazzard. I have a brand new fridge complete with water and ice maker in the door. There is a dent in that door and the water doesn't come out of the fridge. Water goes to the water filter, the copper tubing is freezing cold, but no water comes out of the fridge. I have a ceiling that needs to be painted, a spare bedroom that could use a coat of paint, dusting still left to do, paint to remove from the woodwork, mold to bleach off the window sills, hang blinds and curtain, etc.

Also, we're moving this weekend and we have had the damndest time finding help. The Boy's youngest sister and her boyfriend had offered help, which was a wonderful offer. The boyfriend is huge, 6'8" and strong look- a farm boy. He would have been wonderful with furniture. However, his sister bailed on us. That leave his older sister and her husband who cannot arrive until after 1pm. That leaves us and while I can do my portion of heavy lifting, The Boy has degenerative arthritis in his back, so while he can lift, he pays for it later on.

My parents heard this and my dad heeded the call of duty. He is driving the four hours to come help us move and will drive back the same night. My mom is staying home since she cannpt help lift, no can walk without the aid of a cane or walker. Thank you daddy!

My brother has also offered help for Sunday evening. He is going to our hometown for a wedding this weekend and will be on his way to his new apartment in another state. I hope to put him to work painting since he's earned a living by doing just that before. Maybe he can hang blinds. Some how the handy gene skipped my dad and wound up in my brother.

So, if you're into praying, sending luck, or just thinking of others when they are in need, this would be the weekend to send some good vibes. We're gonna need 'em.

Confusion

There's been some confusion with the links to the rings I put in my last post. The Boy and I are NOT engaged. He did not propose. We merely picked out rings because he wanted to know what I liked and I found the exact ring I want while we were looking. Because he had a previous fiancee, we have to spend so much money in order to receive the full credit for the original ring he purchased. Thus, we picked out his ring. As to when we're getting engaged, I have no idea. With the expenses of the house coming up, I'm not sure.

It's on.

While working, just starting a new project, the phone rang. I answered as I always do "Hello, This is Amber." The voice on the other end identified herself as my loan officer at the bank. She provided me with good news. I was approved for the final draft of the loan. The house is mine-ours!

She also was able to lock me in at a lower interest rate than previously thought. It's been a struggle to get here, to be able to say that it looks as if it shall go on as planned tomorrow. That I shall sign my life away and get keys to a house I love. The Boy and I both agreed that our visions of the inside of the house were definitely sugar-coated since we saw it last. We were so in awe that it was such a wonderful house that when we walked through for the final time before the sale, we noticed some work that needs to be done. While so far it seems to be just cosmetic work, we just didn't notice anything in our dream like state the first two times around. However, I hear that's what happens when you're in love. You don't notice the bad habits, the stuff that needs to be worked on.

So, we also bought appliances the other day. We're going to have to remove a cupboard in order to get the fridge to fit in, which we'd probably have to remove a cupboard if we wanted a normal sized fridge in the kitchen period. The height of the cabinet above the spot for the refrigerator would require us to get a very small fridge indeed, small than the one that's currently in my apartment. We say no to that. So, now I'm the proud owner of a new fridge, new stove, and dishwasher. The previous owners took the fridge and range with them, but left us with a broken dishwasher. Yea!

We also headed to the home improvement store last night to pick up paint supplies, rakes, bags, cleaning supplies, a new lock and deadbolt, and other such goodies. The expense of being a homeowner is already taking its toll. Saturday my parents and The Boy's mom are coming up to the house with us to help us clean. It will be the first time my parents meet his, and on the anniverary of the same day that The Boy and I met in real life having had internet and phone conversations prior that.

Also, I got to put on my girl and look at shiny, sparkly things last night. The Boy and I picked out our engagment and wedding rings. He said he was going to choose the one I picked out anyway and wanted to show it to me once at the store. It was great fun looking at all the shiny things and placing them on my hand, well I only tried on two. The second one being it. :) We don't know yet if we can afford the lay away plan, but we'll see in the future what comes our way.


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Updates:

• 
  My grandmother's auction went off without a hitch, which was great news. I was there to witness the insanity that she let rule her life. I shall post a photo or two of the building in which the auction was held. It was on the fair grounds in a metal building normally meant to show off 4-H projects, quilts, tractors, and other rural, small town items- things at which one normally wins a blue ribbon. And my grandmother won all the blue ribbons that day. People who'd been to her house of stuff could only comment, "How did she get it all in there." People who had never been there said, "This all came from one house?" But everyone said "Wow" first.




• We are eight days from closing on our house. There have been a few glitches along the way. Hopefully, things run smoothly from now on. Dealing with an FHA loan changes everything and makes it all a little more complex. Tips for those planning on purchasing houses soon. But most importantly, find a realtor and banker you like. They'll be with you every step of the way. I am trying to think of a gift for my realtor for all her hard work. I don't think I can send the banker anything but flowers.




• I still have not rented out my apartment. I must do this in order to be able to afford the house. I am scared and beyond nervous.




• The stuff that was abandoned by their purchasers, the stuff that didn't sell, and the empty boxes filled two large dumpsters. That does not include the last things in the basement the auctioneer said not to bring since we we're out of room and it was junk anyway. That stuff was put on the curb with a free sign.




• Because of the leftovers I am now the proud owner of my fourth set of dishes. The Boy has a set of dishes also. We must have dinner parties in order to justify having that many plates. We also have this cute shelf, which I am excited to place somewhere in the house so I can smile when I see it- to know I rescued it from abandonment.




• I feel no connection, no sentimental value to the items taken from my grandmother's house. They were chosen because I liked them. There is only one thing I would feel sentimental about and that is the electric organ, which my brother has. I am glad he received it and it stayed in the family.




• More to come... but first... photos




• 

What's in it for me?

Curb Stomp- place the hated person's face onto the curb with the mouth open, ensuring that the top jaw is over the top lip of the curb and the bottom is also placed just so. Hold onto the person's arm in a strange angle behind his or her body, then place a preferably booted foot onto the back of the head and stomp.

I've always enjoyed this image. It was in a movie I saw where a neo-nazi was curb stomped. If anyone deserves to be curb stomped, it's a neo-nazi. Ignorance by choice is hell, surely not bliss. So, this image floats into my mind when I think of my first-ever boyfriend, Will. Why you may ask? For some reason my mind believes I enjoyed this particulary duet of words during the time we dated. If this is actually true, I do not recall.

Why conjur up Will? I came across an email of his the other day. It was so touching. And when I think of how I treated this young man who was enjoying his first forays into the dating world, I know I definitely curb stomped his heart and left him bleeding and broken on the street corner.
I was inexperienced in the dating world also. These new adventures were confusing to me, these new feelings were scary, and I ran away. I ran away to flirt with other boys, to feel sexy, to discover who I was in male eyes that didn't already love me. Unfortunately, I'd have to say it worked. My escape route put me in the path of a man who gave me a great gift, the acceptance of my own body, my physical being that I have always hated.

Andrew gave this gift to me and for that I am thankful because before I hated the vessel in which my mind is carried, not to mention hating the mind at times. So, I dislike parts of my body, but understand what and why I feel this way. My tummy makes clothes look bulging in places that clothes shouldn't buldge, and this paunch makes buying pants difficult since I don't follow women's body rules: My waist either equal to or large than my hips, this equation is just dependent upon how heavy I am at the moment.

Will gave me a view into a new world. Andrew gave me a view into myself. And I gave myself a chance to be myself.

I am me and I shall not be detered in being me, which no one is trying to stop me. Even The Boy who hates some of my clothes, my jewelry, my decorating ideas (who doesn't love puke green?!), my choices of movies, just let's them slip by (except for the puke green-that was tabled real fast) and let's them wash over him. The Boy enjoys this shower of "me" and smiles while it washes, smiles while he seems me being happy to be me. Perhaps, the only shower he did not enjoy was the crying jag I was on the other night because I had stopped taking my medication. However, he held me close, made me promise to take the happy pills the next morning, and just let himself get wet.