Why do I do these things?

Sometimes I do not have any excuses for myself. I cannot conjure up those words that will make me feel better for being a failure. I had an appointment this morning at 10am, of which I was instructed to be there thirty minutes prior. I set my alarm, alas, I only set one alarm. I don't get off work until 11:30 and didn't make it home until midnight. I am usually wound up from work and cannot jump into the bed the minute I walk in the door. So, I stayed awake and puttered around. I packed a few things, I ate some dinner, I worked on some word puzzles, I played online, and finally felt the tuggings of sleep in my eyelids.

I laid down. I wiggled. I turned my head, I cocooned in the blankets as I so love to do, and nothing. Sleep hid from me, it tortured me by calling my name and telling me how sweet it would be. But alas, it did not show itself to me. Finally, sleep must have come out from hiding. I woke up at 10am, just in time for my appointment. But because arriving a half hour before the appointment was so stressed, I called to wonder if I should still go. The clerk told me that I should not go there, that I should reschedule. Damn.

I tried to reschedule, but nothing worked. I am moving in a week and will be living an hour away with a not-quite permanent work schedule. Thus, this cancelled all of my appointments for the day, the endocrinologist, the diabetic educator, and the nutritionist. So, I called my regular physician to leave her the message that I missed that appointment and I could not get into see the endocrinologist until next week, which doesn't work for me. I called my aunt, who is also a doctor in The Boy's town, to ask her for a recommendation for a regular physician and an endo doctor. We'll see how it all pans out.

I am lame. Sleeping too late made me cry and I felt so much shame. I am scared The Boy will be so disappointed in me. I am disappointed in me.

I also keep having dreams I cannot breathe. Today, I actually can't. I am so stuffed up and coughy. I called in sick. I no longer care what they think. I need some rest before Monday, a chance to get well so I can think and learn new things. So, I can start my new life fresh.

It's Girl of Approval, signing off and screwing up.

Apartment II

Because I was already in town viewing apartments, I figured it would be a good time to visit The Boy. We went to lunch and it was fun. I was so giddy about my new place. I couldn't sit still. I was bouncing in my chair.

Afterwards, I went to visit my old college roommie and I had so much fun just chilling with her while we glanced at the tv now and again. She just gets me and makes me laugh. :) When I finally showed up at The Boy's place, he said he was getting worried but that he knew I was at her house and thought that if I didn't come home by 11:30pm, he would go looking for me. Awww, sweet. :) He cares.

I am not sure how to say this. I don't know if I want to make it elaborate or just lay it out there on the table and say it. I am leaning towards the latter. I lost my virginity that night. It wasn't the greatest moment. It was quick, slightly painful, and nice. We were safe and protected. And I'm glad I waited and glad that it wasn't a big production. Just a spur of the moment, let's do it kind of thing. I think if there had been a lot of drama with it, I would have been disappointed. But the way it was.... was nice.

Apartment

I am an internet junkie. If I can find it online, I'll be there looking for it. I found an apartment management company in The Boy's town and applied for some apartments online. I had Monday off and had planned on spending it doing laundry, but the management company called and said that they had some apartments to show me and when could I see them. So, I dashed off to The Boy's town and saw some ugly apartments for expensive amounts. Well, expensive to this area. We make people in other parts of the country scream with envy when they hear our apartment rents. Thus, I am spoiled.

However, the first two apartments I saw were cringe worthy. Torn, dirty carpet, metal closet doors (this is the weirdest phenomena I've seen in The Boy's town), gold appliances. I cannot have gold appliances. I developed a phobia when I lived with my roommate in our first apartment. We had two gold fridges, both of which had mildew growing on the inside of the fridge where the motor, coolant machinery is. And it made our food taste awful, it made us sick, and to this day I remember the smell. The smell still makes me gag. It was thankfully winter when this problem started occurring and we could store our food outside on the patio area. So, they were totally horrible apartments and they require the tennant to pay heat, electricity, and hot water. Hot water?!!! What kind of crazies are they?

So, I had a list of other apartment addresses I just wanted to do drive-by's on to see what they looked like on the outside since I am not completely familiar with this town. I wound up having to pee and decided that I'd get a paper while I was at a gas station. This proved to be the greatest choice. I got the paper, circled a few promising ads, and with the knowledge that my dad told me "I'd rather have you in a nicer apartment than a shabby one and have us subsidize your for longer," I moved my price range up. It pays to be Daddy's little girl. :)

So, I called and a man answered. He was actually at the building I wanted to see. I met him there, we went in and I saw new carpet, wooden closet doors, white appliances, heat and hot water are paid, there is a garage, I saw a microwave above the stove, the bathroom was all white, and I said I want it. He said okay, let's fill out paperwork and get your credit check started. By the end of the night, I paid my deposit and now I have a cute, two-bed room apartment that I like. So, yea!

I think once I am all moved in I shall have a house warming party.