It's a Memory.

The time I spent working as an Americorps VISTA gave me a chance to see a world that I hadn’t experienced since elementary school. That world is called Poverty.

It’s not a place people wish to visit, it’s not a tourist destination anywhere, it doesn’t have fun rides or good food, and it’s not a place most people want to or think they will wind up. With the economic crises around the world, Poverty is going to become even more crowded than it already is.

Elementary school gives me a few memories of dirty faces, dirty clothes, mention of someone who didn’t have indoor plumbing (most likely because the water had been shut off), and a sense of making due.

Some of the kids I met while working as a VISTA have left permanent marks and memories. It was not their poverty that keeps them in mind. It is their spirits. It is they who keeps me thinking about them. They stick with me more than kids from high school, more than other student and professors in college.

It is how much they were themselves that still catches my thoughts. It was how they pretended to be nothing less and did not feel less, most of the time. You could catch those who were being broken down by their poverty. You could see it in their posture and in their eyes. They were hunched and ready to fight. Their eyes were angry and hateful, but so sad. They are the pennies, thrown in the garbage, those dropped on the streets and not picked up, those coins left behind because they aren't worth much. The tarnish shows on the children and pennies alike.

There are two in particular whom I hope for but am not sure hope will help. I hate to say too late, but it could have been for them. Brother and Sister, hungry for food, hungry for attention their mother cannot give. In need of clothes that fit, shoes that aren't falling apart and smelly, in need of some enormous tiny gestures of love.

There is the girl who is a boy. Her hair is short and often covered in a baseball cap. She wears boys baggy jeans, t-shirts, and plays with the boys. She has not a girly bone to her, it seemed. Yet, her name was that of a flower and she liked it. She could not stand being called a "He." She is someone I wonder about for she did not apologize for wanting the best of both worlds. She was tough for a tough world. She put forth her strength in short hair, in sports, in being masculine. Yet, she knows she's a girl and doesn't deny it. She merely hides it so she is not so vulnerable.

So, what becomes of them? I don't know and I shall probably never know. Except for one. I expect great things from her. I hope she is one of those Cinderella stories on Dateline one night. Rags to Riches, by using her brain and her kindness. I want to see her on tv campaigning for her next election. She could bring all kinds of worlds together, that girl.

Halloween Bash!

There is a contest going on at work: The Biggest Loser. It is a la the style of the television show and I have entered. I've always been a big girl. Taller, thicker, broader than the rest. Now, I feel just flabby. So, hopefully this will motivate me to start working on the healthy lifestyle.

Also, The Boy's sister gave us an elliptical machine. Those suckers really give you a work out and you can go fowards or backwards on them. This allows for a unique workout and lets you work muscles you didn't know you had. So, maybe I'll become just a little smaller, a little less broad, and more toned.

I don't dream of being a waif or even a size ten. My body is not meant to be that small. I just want to be healthier. It's such an easy statement to make, but such a hard action. Habits are easy to make, but hard to break. It should be interesting to see how it goes. I don't think I've ever really tried very much to lose weight. I did it twice on accident, one by working at a hotel as a maid and the second time by pooping out everything I ate. That was an easy twenty pounds. :o) Not enjoyable, but easy.

So, wish me luck.

In other news!!!! One of my very good friends had her baby, a girl! I find it funny that she has a daughter now since Mommy used to have the name of Vicky-not-a-girl-girl. How things change. Also, another friend is now living in Montana, which has been her dream for a couple of years now. And she found a new job. So, it's excitement all around.

My excitement... I killed a bird while driving this morning. It flew right into my hood. I watched it in the rearview mirror, spin beak over claws until it slapped down on the road of the interstate. Sad.