It once was

I cannot believe July is almost upon us. For me, the time has just flown by...

Speaking of time past, I was thinking of things the other day that I miss, that I haven't done or heard about in a long time. So, I thought I'd share them with you and see if I can't spark a few good memories for you also.

1. Cat's Cradle- the game with the string and the different hand movements. I loved this game and found it's fascinating to see how long we could keep going. I never hear nor see little kids, particulary girls playing this.

2. Hide and Seek- I havent' played this game in so long. I was driving the other day with my windows open. I saw three boys in the front yard, then saw two of them run off, with the third one standing by a basketball hoop, his forearm covering his eyes and resting against the pole. It was the 100-99-98-97 that brought me back. My favorite hiding spot is no longer there, the bush I'd hide behind is gone. The other trick, to slide under the fence into the neighbor's yard, is also not an option since the fence is gone and there's no way I'd fit under the fence nowadays.

3. Water fights- The neighbor kids were having a water fight a week ago. It was turning dusk, but the heat was still present. We could hear their giggles and screams as they soaked each other. I haven't had water fight since I was in high school. I burnt my eyelids that summer. Something I don't recommend.

4. Friends- I don't have many friends in this neck-of-the-woods and if I am true, I'm awful lonely. I sometimes need some girl talk.

5. Snow pants- I don't see children walk to school in snow pants or snow suits anymore. I remember them so clearly and how you could stay outside for hours in them. I remember the buckles to the straps and the wonderful clicking sound they made. Although, I don't think I'd know what to do with them if I had a pair. I could make snow angels, but would quickly bore of that and alas, there are no hills in this part of the country.

6. Sleepovers- Staying up all night, talking about boys, giggling, and most importantly, not sleeping.

7. The sun- I remember just going outside as a child. My back exposed, my arms and legs sticking out, and no sunscreen, no worries of sunburn. Now, I watch for pinkness, I try to plan when I will be outside, I wear hats if out for prolonged periods, put on sunscreen SPF 50, etc. Not only do I fear the pain that sunburn brings, but the longer lasting consequences of cancer.

8. Being Ignorant About Cancer- Once it touches you, it's everywhere. It's a horrible disease, comes in too many forms to keep track of, and can be so sneaky. It'll slip from your skin to your liver, to your brain, it find its way into your blood, into your bones, and leave you unable to fight. The treatments take your energy, your hair, make you feel sicker than the cancer itself, and then sometimes it takes your hope when the treatments no longer work. *curb stomps cancer*

9. Not Being Called "Ma'am"- I am a ma'am now. It's awful. I feel too young for that title. I feel I don't look old enough to be a ma'am but I know I am.

10. Never having had a cute body- I never got to wear a bikini or sexy clothes. Never had that chance. I am sad about this. I always wanted to wear the newest clothes, the cutest little shirts, the fun shorts, but could not. Had to settle for what was out there and even still, what's out there isn't always a great choice.

Certain Shades of Pink

The sun finally shown, the sky finally blue not gray, and my skin finally warm with heat felt this weekend melt.

I am also coming to realize that I am unsure why I ever wore pants in the summer if I was going to be outside. Trends, fads, and peer pressure, brought me to pants once. There was also another reason, but all the reasons are now gone. I show my legs, bright white and with thighs that rub together. I show my feet, no pedicures for this girl. I am not ashamed of skin, of dimpled fat, of myself. So, here I come.

Problem with it? Too bad, then don't look. Ah, how the tortures of childhood always stay with us. Always defensive. Always ready to fight.

So, anyway. Glad it's sunny, warm, and finally looking like summer. However, that date looms before me. Big NEON sign with July 17, 7-17, with 17s all over, with cancer all over it, with black touches of death all over it, pulses in my head.

So, perhaps I shall place suntan lotion on my skin in the shapes of 17's and stand out in the sun, tanning myself into cancer but whitening myself in a 17 montage. Perhaps not also.