Guesstimator

My grandmother died on April 21st. I went to her funeral on Wednesday and said goodbye to a body, to a woman I didn't really know.

I sat at the funeral home, staring at her casket during the viewing/visitation on Tuesday thinking about what I would miss about her. My views were so negative. I felt she was this stubbon old woman who loved her junk more than anything else. She had strong opinions about the world, politics, and sometimes those views were incorrect. Opinions can be wrong when they are not based on fact, but on unobjective, false "facts." However, I wasn't viewing her in the right context. My grandmother had some money, not enough to make her a millionaire or even a hundred-thousand-aire, but enough that when people came to visit, she paid for meals out. We always went out while there. If one of her children or grandchildren needed to borrow money, she would whip out her checkbook and fill in those blanks. And while she expected payment of that loan, she had a long grace period and no interest.

I didn't see genorosity where I should have. I didn't see a woman who had a tough life and just wanted to leave something for her children to make their lives easier. She was undemanding, her only desire to choose where we went out to eat. She had friends, whom I saw at her funeral. I never met them before, and one in particular surprised me.

My mother requested that at the fellowship, I take pictures of those in attendance. It is very hard to get all those people together, espectially together while they are looking dapper. I felt very southern, having been to a southern funeral where they photograph at the funeral home, the casket, the body, etc. Very different from our version of, let's hold the tears in, let's not show emotion, and certainly do not take pictures. But we deviated. I stood poised for a photo of an older woman, white hair spikey on her head. She smiled for me and then said, you must be Amber. I said, yes and asked how she knew. She said that my grandmother talked about me all the time. I stood surprised, mouth open, and eyebrows raised. She gave a small smirk and said, you must not have known your grandmother very well.

I will be the first to admit, that I did not. I tried. She would not open up to me nor to anyone I knew. There were secrets in her that she was not willing to share and I do not know why. I don't know if it was just a generational thing, if she just didn't like talking about herself, or if she really thought those secrets would be damaging. The white haired woman with the spikes grinned bigger stating that my grandmother had told her that I was mischievous. I inquired as to why my grandmother would say that, the woman just smiled. I told my parents this information and my dad was quite confused and had no idea what his mother would have meant by that; my mom was baffled also. Perhaps, my grandmother didn't know me very well either. The road goes both ways.

I am not mischeivous nor have I ever been. My parents lucked out on getting me as a child, especially after having to deal with my brother's antics. I did well in school, did not have to be prompted to do my homework, I did not drink in high school, did not have sex until a few months ago, did not get into trouble, etc. My downfall as a child was that I was mouthy, which may have caused some headaches due to my high level decibels of yelling, were nothing compared to what my brother brought on.

So, I shall miss my grandma. She had this cackling laugh that drove me nuts. She told me to be a "Good Doobie," and I have no idea what that means, she had a house full of junk, and loved coffee with great passion. Her last words were "I would like a cup of coffee." Now, that's a fan starbucks needed in their corner. So, grandma, my next cup of coffee (I will have to add cream and sugar substitute, sorry) will be for you, for your honor. I will sip and think of you. I will stir my coffee and remember the short moments I had with you. When I pour the cream, it shall disburse in the liquid, forming an outline of your face and this is when I shall weep.

RIP Grandma Doris

Toss Up

This is going to be a grab bag entry, you don't know what's going to be inside. Scary part is, neither do I.

Let's see, what there is to share.

I nearly bounced some checks, which I've never done before. Hopefully I learned my lesson.

I nearly lost my camera in a dance club. Correction, I did lose my camera in a dance club and after crying for about fifteen minutes, having a mini pep talk with The Boy, and moping, it was annouced by the DJ that a camera had been found. A member of our group walked up to the DJ booth and heard some other guy claim the camera was his. Our friend knew the DJ so she passed the camera to him, which if it came down to it, the pictures on there would prove whose camera it was.

I drank a lot over Easter. I tried to keep up with former Frat boys and I think I held my own. It was a fun Easter since The Boy and I went to the BIG City to visit some of his old friends. They are great people.

The Boy and I broke my box spring while gettin' it on. So, when my tax return finally appears I shall be buying a new bed. I am not sure yet if it was worth it. ;)

My paternal grandmother had a massive stroke this weekend and according to the CT scan, she's basically brain dead. My dad and his siblings are going to have to decide whether or not they wish to keep her alive by artificial means. I believe they will choose not to make her body live on when her spirit is already gone. They seem to be leaning towards that. There is talk of me being a pallbearer. My mom keeps wondering if it's okay for a woman to be one. I keep telling her there's no reason I can't be one and the only reason men are usually pallbearers is because they can usually lift more weight. I would like to be one. It would feel right doing something for her.

Another note, all of my friends from afar should come visit me. :)

Work is interesting and keep challenging me each day.

Too Long

Well, I am finally back in my chair and writing again. I have missed it so much.

But my moving plans did not go according to... well, plan. The weather pushed back the move three weeks, leaving me without my computer and internet access for another month. Ugh. So, I have you, my dear readers, haven't abandoned me for more frequent and interesting places.

I am back now, hopefully for many, many posts.

The move went well. I had help from around the world. Or from two states. :) My cousin, her boyfriend, two uncles, my dad, my mom, and my boyfriend all heeded the call for help. It went quickly, much more quickly than expected. Unexpected, was the sheer amount of stuff, of things I have collected in so few years. It's disgusting. However, I seem to be only getting more. My parents, specifically my mom bought me a new set of dishes even though I don't cook very often and I have a complete set already. Oh well, they are pretty. :)

I haven't moved all my stuff in, some of it is still at The Boy's, but slowly it will make it's way over. By the end of this month I want it all in, put away, pictures hung, shelves holding little knicknacks, etc.

My apartment is very similar in its layout to my old apartment so I feel quite at home and relaxed in this one. I am enjoying my new job, though I feel completely and utterly stupid sometimes. They are just so many little rules, little tidbits of information, policies to follow. It's complex and complicated, and some days my head hurts when I shut off my computer and walk out the door to work.

I do want a second job. I have this intense desire to sell furniture. I love furniture and why not sell it. I've never had a sales job before and the extra money would be nice. There's an opening at a store right near where I currently work and live, so tomorrow I may stop in and ask about the position.

Well, this is GOA signing off until my next entry which I suspect will be real soon.