Unlisted

1. I have not heard from Dr. Nordic God- he hasn't opened the last email I sent him.

2. I am going to visit with the librarian at the hospital tomorrow to speak with her about being a medical librarian. Hopefully, it's another step towards my goal of getting my master's in library science. How awesome would it be if there were an opening in the library. It'd be fucking awesome, that's how awesome.

3. Last night, Andrew called me and left a message on my voice mail saying I needed to call him as soon as I got home. While I dialed and waited for him to pick up, I worried. However, his request was strange until I understood what wanted. He asked if I had a checkbook. I said I did. He asked if I could write a check for $30 to his phone company, he'd bring me the $30 tonight when he picked up the check. I said sure, that would be fine. He doesn't have a checking account and it was too late for him to buy a money order at the grocery store or anywhere else for that matter. He'd received a call that said if he didn't pay his bill, they were going to shut his phone off. I'm the helpful sort, so I wrote out a check. However, since I slightly mistrust him I offered to ride with him to the phone company to drop off his bill. He agreed to the offer and away we went, bass thumping into the night. When he dropped me off at my apartment after the bill was dropped in the little box, I hugged him, and we kissed again. This time, no tongues went dancing. Just lips soft and simple against each other.

4. I am very bored with my life right now. I feel stuck in the middle of something, in a holding pattern. I mean, I shouldn't complain because life isn't being totally shitty but at the same time, there's a lack of adventure and I don't know how to fix that. I'm not stable enough to move anywhere, I don't have the money to do so, there are no new boys on the horizon who always add something interesting to life, there are no new job prospects, just me figuring out what to eat for breakfast every day, showering, and picking out clean underwear.

5. My ex-roommate got engaged a few weeks ago. I am quite happy for her, but it makes me feel behind. She found a nice guy and they mesh very well. She has a real job and a job in which she is trained, and I guess I just wonder when it's my turn. But, I am excited since I do get to be in another wedding and wear a fun dress. I asked if I could be the flower girl, but I was shot down on that idea; same with wanting to be the ring-bearer.

6. Women tend to find me sweeter, cuter, and just all over better than men do. It's weird. Too bad I'm not a lesbian, I could charm the pants off some chicks in no time.

7. I was considering going home this weekend, but with gas prices as high as they are and with all the activities I need to do here, such as clean, laundry, clean, laundry, clean, laundry, etc., I should really stay. Well, I'll discuss that option later with the folks who are quite fond of me and like it when I visit. I enjoy it too. I get chocolate chip pancakes and get to watch massive amounts of cable. :) Plus, my parents live there too. And sometimes my brother makes an appearance. He's like a walk-on celebrity cameo in a movie, you see him as he is, he says hi into the camera, and then he's gone.

8. I placed a personal on Yahoo personals just for shits and giggles, because that's probably all the reaction I'm going to get from it. The guy will either shit or giggle, "yeah, right tubby." I know the drill. Being fat, overweight, obese, choose your adjective, isolates you socially. You never get set up with guys your friends know, people look at you eat when you're in restaurants and give that head shake that says, "you shouldn't eat that." People don't hold the door open for you, guys don't smile and say hello as you walk down the hall, shopping is embarrassing when you are relegated to that one section in the store or have to go to Lane Bryant where your choices are slim, leaving you unable to express yourself through the clothes you wear the way small people can, you have to worry about smelling because sweat and bacteria get caught in the folds of fat that you have, you can't see behind your own leg to see if you shaved it all, and you don't approach men yourself because you could offend them, leading them to hurting you. Because it's easier to hurt a fat person's feeling that it is to hurt their body. We already hate our bodies. And to do something about it? Harder than quitting smoking, heroin, etc. Most people who lose weight, gain it back and then some. Eating gives us a high, a comfort zone, and food always loves us. It doesn't judge.