I look around this room and I am surrounded by stuff. I don't want this stuff to be what makes me happy. I want to be fulfilled without having to fill rooms and rooms full of things. Yet, I can't seem to stop being a good consumer girl. I want to buy more clothes, more stuff, more things to fill all these rooms.
I have a closet full of clothes. Nothing more will fit in there; I do not need more clothes. In my office, the walls are filled with brightly colored toys, some dark, ominous looking toys, and pictures but not of people I love, but of things.
I understand that humans like to surround themselves with things they find pretty, such as art, flowers, etc. I understand that we like to make ourselves feel good with the things we have. But if all I have is stuff to make myself feel good I am missing something in my life. I am not fulfilled by myself alone. And at this point, I am all I have to fulfill myself.
Question is, how do I get to the point where I don't feel the need to stuff my apartment full of things, but instead stuff my mind with information, my heart with feelings, and my diary with adventures? I'm not sure.
But in the mean time, I feel guilty if I get rid of all the things people have spent time and money to give me.
I want to live more simply, but either I put obstacles in the way or there are roadblocks standing before that I am not sure I want to tackle. I would like to ride my bike to work, but I don't get off work until nearly midnight and it's not safe for me to ride home in the dark. I want to eat more whole foods, such as fruits and vegetables, but I tend to gravitate towards chemicals, preservatives, and unnatural substances. Though, I can't give up my sugar free beverages. Diabetics need tasty drinks, too. Sometimes buying things makes me happy and you wonder, why deny myself a bit of happiness? So, you pull out the check card and spend.
Well, I have no water in my apartment and need to have something to eat before I go. I'm off to a restaurant which I live two blocks from and I will be driving there since I have to go to work afterwards. A construction crew is tearing up the road in front of my apartment, which has caused the water to become nothing but a trickle.
2 comments:
I have the same problem. Shopping is therapy, and I have done it way too much since I have been here because I have no one to be with. It is hard to go out and not buy something. And then I donate half to charity, which isn't the worst thing. At least I feel like it ends up in a good home. And it brings happiness to not only me, but those in need.
If it makes you happy....it can't be that bad (& i'm not even that much of a S.Crow fan)!
Don't be so hard on yourself....the world does enough of that for ya. Besides a little retail therapy never hurt anyone.
Look at the flipside...you could be Broke :0)
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