VFW

I am not a social person by nature. People do not seem to understand that statement. Around those I already know, I am fine. In small groups of people, I am fine. I do not like large crowds filled with people I don't know when I don't have someone I can lean on, when I don't have someone to "hold" my hand, sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively.

Some people just do not understand this information and insist I am being a baby or that I should just get out of my comfort zone. Tonight, my co-workers insisted that I go with them to see our fellow co-workers's band play at a bar. I really hate bars. They are smokey, they are filled with drunk people who are obnoxious, they are loud (the opposite of me and the environments I like to be in), and they are filled with people I don't know. The band was a heavy metal band, music I don't care for, complete with the screaming "lead singer."

After much pestering and being told I was going whether I wanted to or not, I agreed to go. But added the stipulation that if I needed to leave I could, no questions asked. So, I went. It was smokey, loud, filled with people I didn't know (and most likely, don't want to know or will never know), filled with drunk people, and I was already nervous. I managed to stay for about an hour before I couldn't take it anymore.

I walked out of the bar and breathed deeply, one because it was finally air I could actually breathe, and two because I was no longer trapped in that place. I walked to my car quickly and got in, feeling as if I had escaped. I said goodnight to no one, just left. I hope they understand that I wasn't up for goodbyes. While driving back to my apartment I began shaking, then crying, and then shaking again. The adrenaline was spiking and yet wearing off at the same time. My body was in shock. I called my friend Mr. Nix who had left a message on my voice mail. His soothing voice calmed me down. I felt better after I talked to him. But before I called him, I called my parents and told them I had changed my mind, again. I was going to go home for the weekend and I was leaving tonight, well this morning- early.

So, I finish this, I think I am finished packing, I have cd's, and I think I am okay to go. I have to get gas and fuel for me before I leave, but sometimes you just need to go home-where being a baby isn't a bad thing.