People keep telling me that I have my whole life ahead of me and really I'm not sure what they are supposed to mean by that. Yes, it would seem that because I am only 25 that I have years of life left for the future, however, as to what this whole life idea is referring to... I don't know.
I do not want children, at least not in the next 10-15 years. I do not like my job nor do I forsee anything better coming along anytime soon. For now, I am going to go to work, earn my pay, reap the rewards of my benefits, and wait. I am dating a man who I assume I will never marry and that's fine. Being married is not some goal I wrote down on a piece of paper one day. I will probably never own a home. I will not get to take expensive vacations. I do not see my life veering too far off it's course unless something catostrophic happens. I read books, I see movies, I have a few select friends, I do jig-saw puzzles, I don't wear make-up, etc.
The people I work with have children and they like to go out and get drunk. I have nothing in common with them. I am a child. Always will be. I like being babyied. I am A's "Baby." He's the only man, woman, child, who I have ever let and enjoyed calling me baby. I want to be taken care of...
So, what is this life that I have ahead of me... what is this glorious, mystical, wondrous thing that I am supposed to be looking for... and how do I know when I've found it? All I know is that I seek out good moments, good friends, good books, good movies, comfortable furniture, supportive shoes, and hope they last. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is happier than I am, that everyone else has found their place in this world. But then I realize, we are all lost sometimes. We all wonder how we ended up where we did.
So, here's to each of our whole lives ahead of is... may they be happy, warm, fulfilling, and nothing short of beautiful.
1 comment:
"To laugh often, to win the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!"-Emerson
I agree with you on "your whole life ahead of you" comment. I know that we are young yet and there is so much to do and see with our lives, but what about our lives now and the ones we lived in the past? When someone says that, it makes me feel like the past and present aren't important, they were a practice run, we can screw them up because it will get better someday. And when does that someday come? When do we start living the life we have ahead of us, at 30? 45? 70? We could be saying that for the rest of our lives. I made the decision to become a nanny because that is what I thought I wanted. It turns out I didn't and don't want it at all. So I am supposed to be miserable now because I still have my whole life to live? I want to live now. I want to be happy now. And by making the decision to leave here in December, I feel like I am living my life. So screw those that say that, they must not be living their lives yet. But me, I am living mine. And I will continue to do so until I find that happiness, that beautiful place to be, whether through love, family, friends or a career, or all of the above. All of your entries make me think, probably because we are the same age and I feel like I am going through the same things. I love your blog, thanks!
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