Reminding Myself

David Sedaris writes in his books about how he always thought that some how he would be magically selected to be famous, wealthy, that his parents weren't really his biological parents and that his birth parents would some day come to find him and whisk him away to fancy, expensive places. David Sedaris writes that he figured there must be something special about him that someone with important contacts, someone with money, someone with power would recognize in him and pluck him from his boring existence to lead him to greatness. I am David Sedaris because I too think that way, I too hope for those exact same things. David Sedaris stole my dreams.

Now, I must become someone new. Perhaps that's not true. I must become someone renovated. I need new cupboards, a splash of color, and some bright curtains. Meaning, I must open the old cupboards and throw out some things that way me down, physically and emotionally. I need to stock my cupboards with healthy things, with fresh fruit, with happy thoughts, and plenty of sunshine. I need a splash of color into my life, something bold... something new each week. And I need to learn when to display myself to the public and when not to, I need to get some curtains that rise and fall when needed.

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I've tried it before, but usually I lie. This time, I am going to lay out all the cards. I picked this woman from a phone book and I have no ties with her. I get to say whatever I want and that's that. No judgement, no having to say I'm sorry, nada. I don't even know what I like doing. I have no hobbies that involve other people. I think I am disgusting and ugly. These are things that should not be.

So, while I am David Sedaris I am not Davis Sedaris.