Confessional Booth

Sometimes, I lie to myself. I tell myself that I do not have a dream. But this is not true. I have a dream, but because I am ever so far from reaching that dream, I tell myself and others that I do not have one. When I am required to think of what my life's dream is, the same answer always pops into my head: I want to be an author.

This revelation comes with many problems. First of all, I do not write. I used to write, but most of those words penned before are dark, solemn, and poorly written. Those works are not cohesive. Yet, this does not motivate me to write new pieces. Newness daunts me. When I think about being a writer, I become afraid that I do not have any stories or ideas to write about. I often feel nothing in my life is worth being put down on paper or electronic paper so to speak. Writing with an actual pen(cil) and piece of paper can be inspiring; mostly it is irritating. There's no backspace button with paper. Sure, there's an eraser, but then there is eraser dust or even crumbs depending on how big the error. There are smudges, worn spots in the paper when the right word just never appears.

So, I don't write nor do I have anything to write about. Next issue... perhaps I don't have a talent for writing and if I do have a talent or strong suit for it, is it anything beyond what millions of people can do? I confess that I do not believe I have anything extraordinary. I think my desire to become a librarian was fueled by this dream. If I couldn't write the books, perhaps if I surround myself with them I would feel more fulfilled. Sadly, I've not become a libarian either. I've become a "Central Supply Tech" in the "Materials Management" department of the hospital. Definitely, a dream come true.

I know as a girl, I yearned for green scrubs, bouffants, and matronly white shoes. If I had only known sooner that I could find all this and more in the CSPD at the hospital. I would have taken field trips there as a child and asked to sleepover! :P

Now, you know my dream. You know what I don't pursue my dream. But you also know why I lie. When I grow up, I want to be a...

I have an aunt who promotes the idea of law school to me each time I see and talk to her. I am never sure why she does this nor sure from where this idea came. She is not a lawyer. She does know some lawyers. Perhaps that's why she would like me to become one. Hmm... maybe on a whim I shall apply to law school just to see what happens. Though, I must study for the pre-law school test. This could be fun and give my brain something to do. I do enjoy doing things just for shits and giggles.

Giggle on this... I nearly ran my boyfriend over with my car. I certainly did. :)