I went to the dentist on Monday. I was told I need to floss more, which is funny since I used to be a fanatic. Then I stopped brushing my teeth at night and stopped flossing for months as if I had used up my lifetime supply of flossing moments. Too often too soon. Now, I must find the middle ground between obsession and apathy. I was told that I have extra bone growth on the roof of my mouth past the soft palatte and bone growth under my tongue, which is caused by clenching my teeth. I do this, day and night. My jaw hurts, my head sometimes aches, and my cheeks have permanent lines creased on the inside from being stuck between my clenched jaws. I will be receiving a "stint," which is just a fancy name for something open...an artery, a jaw, etc. I've had one before, but I lost it like many other things that I have lost.
I lost the ring Andrew gave me. It was so shiny, such a bright silver. It was made of hearts and when he placed it on my left hand, the ring finger he said, "Remember, I love you." I do remember that he loves me... even though I lost the ring. I lost the clip on sunglasses that came with my new frames. I did find them again, however, they were bent and missing a lens. They cannot be repaired. Sometimes I wonder if I cannot be repaired, but that's for another chapter.
I was told that the clenching habit has also put enough pressure on two of my teeth to cause gum recession. Now, I have special toothpaste to use before bedtime. It has extra floride. It was that or a floride treatment in the office and those little foam trays make me want to kick things, like dentists, and hygeinists.
I was told I brush well. I have been told this many times before. I am unsure how one brushes poorly, infrequently I understand. But poorly, no. Back and forth, back and forth... Guys who masturbate should be fantastic brushers.
I was told that I would be happy with some whitening treatments and it would make my smile even more beautiful, and that I have great teeth alignment. No, I never had braces, even my old dentist couldn't remember if I had had them or not. My new dentist said that my previous dentist did an excellent job on my chipped tooth. It blended well and one would never notice that part of the tooth wasn't mine. I did not chew on something hard, I took a softball to the face. I never play softball or any other games where things fly at my head. I know what can happen.
I was disappointed tonight. Not with my dentist, but with Andrew. We were supposed to spend the afternoon together, but he was feeling ill and was tired. I brought him dinner and we slept together for a spell, a nap as some may call it. I grew weary of resting and left, unsatisfied at the time we spent together. I cried as I usually do. I cry all the time these days. It's sort of healthy, but bordering on excessive. He thinks I need to see a psychologist...therapy. I hate therapy. I tend to lie during therapy. I should stop that. But I want to be happy and he is right. Besides, he cannot shoulder the burden I hand him all the time. That's not right. He's not a professional. I mean, I know he has dental tools in his bathroom-the metal scrapers, but that does not mean I seek him out for my oral health. So, I shall seek someone else for my mental health. However, he better take care of me sexually here soon... not sure how much longer I can hold out.
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