Words on speakers eat at me

I have been sick for the past three days. Today I am going to attempt going to work because I am feeling better and because I do not want to take any more days off and do anything to chance my trip out East.

During these two days, I have become bored. Usually, I am not bored and do not understand this concept, which is quite a change from my childhood. I was bored every moment and nothing seemed to satisfty that empty, aching feeling I had. Nothing could relieve the feeling of wanting to take my skin off, fling it around the room, and be free from the bounds of life. So, after watching movies, reading books, playing on the computer, and lying about for three days I found out that I do desire more activity in life. I desire more human contact than just words on a screen or the sound of a voice on the phone. This concept does not apply to old, dear friends. I will gladly take their voices through speakers and their words typewritten than no contact at all.

However, due to the dating site I joined weeks ago, I began a conversation with a young man in Florida. He is intelligent, attractive, and ambitious. But I am appalled by things he has said to me. Now, I love Andrew and I always will. Yet, right now I am not in love with him. I feel for him the way one does a child: protective, proud, happy. No one will dare to speak ill of him, other than myself because I can :), or they will face my anger. This Florida boy asked about past relationships and I related bits of my Andrew story. FL then said that he could not date or marry a woman in a wheelchair, part of it had to do with sex and part of it had to do with the girl not being whole. This is horrible and an unacceptable attitude.

My Andrew is a full man and because his legs do not work does not make his half a person. He has done more with his life than most people who can walk, has experienced more things and has a better view on life than his walking counterparts. This Florida boy lost my respect. Andrew's wheelchair wasn't something I ever saw as this "piece" that was in the way. His wheelchair is a part of him just as those shoes are a part of some other friends or the way they style their hair or the jewelry they always wear. You notice it's there, but that's it, because it's always been there.

Andrew can't walk, not Andrew can't live. Andrew enjoys sensation in terms of sex and to label him or anyone else who is in a wheelchair as unable to do so is unfair. I do not use the term "confined." For, he is not confined. Andrew gets out of his chair each and every day. At the movies, he sits in the theater seat, he lays in a bed, he sits on chairs, etc. He just has to move from one place to the other with the strength of his arms, not legs, abs, and back muscles.

The other thing that Florida told me was how many he'd been with on a sexual level. Now, I am technically a virgin, so maybe my view of things is a bit skewed. I prefer that men have no more than ten sexual partners. I think beyond that you were not in a relationship setting, but were just screwing because it's fun. I believe that is wrong. If you are in a committed, loving, caring relationship I see nothing wrong with connecting on a sexual plain. But if you are just seeking fuck buddies and one night stands, that's gross in my view. Florida is gross in his number. He is beyond the ten, I prefer and sees nothing wrong with his past behavior. I understand people make mistakes, go through phases, and I readily forgive indiscretions, but one must believe that what they did was wrong. Also, Florida calls himself a Christian and he is not living up to his Christian values. Religion can be a fine thing, but not when hypocritical people use it and speak of it.

If one looked in terms of standards of living, I am more Christian than most. I don't smoke, I rarely drink, I have not had premarital sex, I promote peace and not war, I care for the environment, have never used drugs, etc. I am atheist. I do and do not do things based upon my own creed, not someone else's.

To the boy who won't date a wheelchair, fine. But how about a girl in a wheelchair. They are two different things and I hope you learn that very soon, especially since you desire to have a career in the medical field. To the boy who has random sexual encounters, I hope you never find yourself in trouble because of that, due to pregnancy, and STD, or your own hurt emotions. And to the boy who declares himself a Christian, I hope you find a real sense of Christianity or at least drop the pretense.