I stepped in a pile of yesterday

Yesterday was not a good day.

I went to work and did my job. Towards the end of my shift I was called into the office and asked about how I trained someone on a certain duty. A complaint or maybe even more of a comment had been received about how I had done the job of training and I defended myself explaining what I had one. I don't know if I was believed, but the matter was dropped. The interesting thing about this commenplaint is that the trainee was not the one to speak up, another unnamed third party was. I am confused by this and irritated. I am still upset by this and am confused as to why I am even training anyone. I haven't even been at this job six months and I am training. This job has no guidelines for training, none. It's horrible and the employees are treated like disposable gloves. Used once, tossed into the garbage, and never seen again.

Then, I called Andrew last night. That was my own doing, but I missed him. I love him still. He said that he still has the same feelings for me and that he probably always will, and that I may also. He said that time may lessen those feelings, but there are no guarantees. Damnit, I can't deal with feeling this way about this man. I know I should not adore him, but I do. I hear his voice and I am in love all over again. He is kind and caring. He asked me before I went back to my hometown if I still had my cell phone, the actual phone, because he wanted me to charge it up and know that I can still dial 911 with it. He said he didn't want anything to happen to me and that I should be safe.

Then, I had been chatting with this man I met on the dating site I joined for the past week. It was nothing serious, just two lonely people who were enjoying each other's "company." We knew that there was no potential, but enjoyed talking to each other on-line. However, we were both in a bad mood and misinterpreted our words. He ended up just leaving the conversation.

All this made me cry. I felt unloved. I felt awful. I felt incapable. I felt that I wanted to get out of this town and move on. But yet I felt I wanted to move beyond this realm and onto the next, whatever it may be. But I hung on, read a book through my tears when the crying subsided into just waterworks and not heaving sobs. I ate some cereal, talked to a friend and we both commiserated at our poor relations with the opposite sex.

Then, I put on a ring. It's a ring I've had for years. But I assigned new meaning to it. It's a reminder to me; I am not ready to date. I am not over that Andrew man. I am still raw and sore from his love. I have a major goal that I wish to obtain and I want no one, not even myself standing in the way. I want more education and the kind that comes with books and classrooms, not life's lessons. Those come without planning.

Plus, I am going on a trip in November and I have never been on a trip like this one. Vacations have always been spent with my parents and it's time I get to venture out into the world alone for part of it and with a great friend for the rest.

So, I stepped in a pile of yesterday but I am not bringing yesterday to today. Today, I am a free, single woman with goals and ambitions. Today, I am loving myself and not some man who doesn't deserve what I have.

P.S. I heard some information about Dr. Nordic God. He had a heart attack and then some kind of heart surgery. He is officially back to work this week. Now that I know this information, I don't care. He was nothing but a distraction from Andrew. Now, I am to be my own distraction.