Monday, September 18, 2006

What are you doing?

It's the wee hours of the morning and you know what that means? A trip to Wal-Mart, even though I hate Wal-Mart- it's open, some hair dye, 25 minutes, and I'm a raging red head. I like it. It's fun and it's sassy. Today, I received my locks of love thank you card. I almost cried. I felt so special for being able to help. I can't wait to do it again! :) Grow hair, grow! Also, I purchased a small barrel curling iron so I can mess around with that too. I'll become a girl yet someday! ;)

The hole in my arm appears to be growing shut as did the hole that had been in my heart where Andrew used to be. After we had that long talk the other night, I just feel okay and free. I am fine without him and even if I could get back together with him, I wouldn't want to. We don't work and he only holds me back. He needs someone who is more grounded. I mean, I don't want to stick around here forever. I have some living to do and some of it should occur outside of North Dakota. Though, I did perhaps back pedal the other day. I asked Andrew if he'd mind having a purely physical relationship. I'm all for that. He is taking some time to think about it. But if I know him, the answer is no. And that's okay. At least I asked for what I truly wanted and didn't shy away from it.

That was my favorite part of our relationship anyway, the physical affection, and that's not a good basis for a healthy relationship. I think we made it work for a lot longer than either of us thought we would.

I advised my parents that I would be driving myself to the airport for my upcoming trip to New York. Because I would not allow them to drive eight hours there, then eight hours home again, then eight hours there, and then eight hours back home again, they want to drive me to South Dakota in October when I visit some friends. They said, "So you can get some sleep." I appreciate the offer, but I am confused. Do they enjoy spending time with me that much? Must they feel needed by me and if they aren't feeling needed enough, they will find their own ways to gain that feeling? Or do they mistrust me and my abilities to conquer certain feats? I wonder if I should ask them what's up or just accept this offer of a ride... besides, then I don't have to pay gas money, hotel money, etc. :)

I'll have to ponder.

1 comment:

cdoc said...

Email pics of the red hair, I am sure it is hot! I love getting that card from Locks of Love, that is the main reason I wanted to do it again. As for the whole in your heart mending, I am glad. But just a physical relationship may make you go a few steps back, just something to think about. I am so excited for your trip here, I can't wait! We will have a lot of fun driving back together! And I am sure your parents want to drive you for 2 reasons, one, because they enjoy your company, and two, you are their baby and they want to protect you. Trust me, I know how that works:).