I finally did what I thought I'd never do, what I had said I've never do... what I felt went against who I was, who I am.
I cut my hair. Not just a trim, not just a couple of inches. I cut off 13-14 inches. My hair is shorter than it has been since I was in elementary school. Through my hair, I found a crutch, a security blanket. Something I felt made me different from everyone else. Yet, it's just hair. I let it become me, let it own me, rather than me owning it.
I've been trying to initiate and keep change, good change in my life this year, and letting go of that security blanket was a good thing. Andrew liked my hair long. He didn't want me to cut it and I didn't want to disappoint him. What he thought often outweighed what I thought, which is not right. I need to stand on my own, to find out who I am on my own. And for the first time I am really on my own. I don't have a roommate who I know will provide me with instant socialization, I don't have someone to come home to, I don't have anyone else to remind me to pay bills... though now I don't have to divide those pesky bills in half- even with a calculator, I still didn't get it right. Sometimes I amaze even myself at my shortcomings, however, they can be humorous.
So, I made the decision to cut my hair. It's one I feel good about. I will be donating it to Locks of Love and becoming even more girly. I bought hair products today. A hair dryer, a straightner, a vented brush, some small ponytail holders since I don't have much hair to put into a ponytail anymore, and some headbands for when I feel like really getting into something hardcore. What that will be, I don't know. I hope it involves exercise, but most likely I'll use them when I need to clean my bathtub, which can feel like a vigorous workout if you let the soap scum build up long enough. Perhaps, I shall make a video workout featuring cleaning as the main source of aerobic activity, unfortunately, it would have to involve living in slovenly conditions for a while. Not something I am sure most people would like to do, plus there would be no exercise in between cleanings. Ah, perhaps I should think of a new career possibility.
So, here's to new hair, new beginnings, and being able to style it on my own-hair and all.
1 comment:
I am proud of you, for donating your hair (I am working on doing that for a second time), but mostly for letting go of your security blanket. Doing so shows your strength. Here's to finding who you are, finding your bliss, enjoying your independence and strength. As for exercise, you should try yoga. Every time I go, I think that it wasn't exercise, it didn't feel like it, until the next day when I can barely move. And it also helps mentally, it is just a well-rounded exercise. I always wanted to do it and I am glad I finally started taking classes. You should give it a go.
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