I was lying in bed last night aching; I was missing Andrew. I could feel it all over, this intense longing for him. I wanted to know how he was doing, most of all. I broke down at 12:30am and called him. He answered the phone, his sleepy voice calming me instantly. I told him I missed him and he reiterated the statement.
He had a little trouble waking up, but then finally fully came to his senses. I asked him a few questions and he had a few answers. I told him that my view of Wednesday is all that happened was that I was pissed off at my boyfriend and yelled at him because of those feelings. I wondered if he felt it was my fault that he ended up in the crisis center. He said it was partially due to me, but I think it was mostly the past. Because had he not had the past to think on, my actions would have been nothing, upsetting but nothing to cause him to become suicidal. He said there's a long story he needs to tell me but because of the late hour he would have to tell it another time. I added that if he ever had any questions about what happened he was welcome to ask them. He said he'd thought about that and was glad to know he could talk to me.
Then, he asked me to a movie, said when he gets paid the next couple of times he give me some more money, he said he wants to make things right. Make things right when we aren't even together any more, I asked. He said, no just make things right period. So, we'll see if he comes through on that. I will call no more.
I got my answer. He is okay. He'll be okay. There are people looking out for him. I heard his voice and I am glad of it. However, what I am unsure of is if he's asking me to a movie trying to get me back or if we are going as just friends or are we just seeing what happens? He told me that if he could go back and do things, he'd do them the same way... which I had him explain to me. He meant that he would have still been with me and wishes he could still be with me. Sweet sentiment. But if he wants me back, he has to do some major changing and making it up to me.
In other news, I mopped my kitchen and bathroom. Sparkling clean. Not really, but cleaner. :)
1 comment:
I am glad you got your answers. And if you do take him back in the future, keep some things in mind. First, he does need to make some changes. You broke up with him for a reason, so if you go back to the same person, it will only end the same way. And two, don't go back to him just because you miss him. You may miss him for the rest of your life, I have old boyfriends from years ago that I still miss. Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go back to them or it doesn't mean that things could go back the way they used to be. If you do go back to him, do it because he is changed and you think he deserves another chance. That is just my 2 cents, ultimately it is up to you and you know what is best for you in the end.
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