Fuck Him

I had a dentist appointment this morning, then had lunch with my friend. Afterwards, I went to a credit counselor to work on a budget and to see how I can get out of debt. It was a good meeting and felt fruitful today. I also made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow to see about my diabetes and allergies. I've been ignoring my diabetes far too long and on Wednesday at my psychiatric appointment, she said that by the next time that I come to see her I have to either have an appointment made or have already been to one. So, there we go.

While I was driving to my appointment, Andrew called me. At first, he wouldn't say why he was really calling. Then he said he wanted to talk about cell phones. I figured he wanted something and he did. He wanted me to go with him to the Verizon store. He called me out to the parking lot to help him get out of the car and while he was still sitting in the car he started going on about how cute I am. I became even more suspicious.

Once at the Verizon store, he wanted to look at a specific phone and wanted to talk about getting a plan. He, then, asked me if he could join under mine plan. Two seconds later a salesman walked up. I said that Andrew and I needed a few minutes and that we needed to take things into the hall. I chatted with him, trying to not make a scene, upset that he manipulated me into going to the store with him. I said I didn't like the idea of him being on my plan because there were too many variables: What if we broke up, what if he goes over on his minutes and those charges become my responsibility, what happens if he breaks his contract, and basically that it's my ass on the line if he fails to pay his bill.

I also said that I didn't know if I wanted to stick with Verizon. I can't make cells phone calls at my apartment, nor receive them. They don't even show up as missed calls and the phone doesn't even ring. So, I'm working on trying to get out of my contract. If I got another line added to my phone, what would that do if I did get my contract cancelled. My friend came with me to the mall and I'd forgetten about her. I left her sitting on a bench for twenty minutes. She berated me in front of Andrew and I began to cry, frustrated with the events of the day.

Andrew told me that I could just leave and that he would stay and ask the questions. I said fine and left, obviously upset. When I got home, I left a message on his answering machine (saying that I was very upset by the way he manipulated me into going to the store, by not asking to discuss this in private first, and that he owed me an apology) at home since was going to work right after the visit with the salesperson at Verizon. But a message appeared on my phone from Andrew asking that I call him at his place of employment. I wondered if he had gotten my message already. I called him and he was so chipper, saying that he got all the answers that we needed and that adding him to my plan was a go. I never said that I would add him, just that I wanted more information about the option to add him. He's not very fiscally responsbile and I was and am very leary about adding him. I decided on the car drive home that I would not add him to a plan.

When I called him at his work, I let him know how I felt. I did not hold back. I am very frustrated. He expects me to be his sugar mama. I don't have the money to do that. I am a generous person. If you need money or you really want something, I'll get it for you or loan it to you. But when you keep abusing me, I will cut you off. I always pay for dinner or movies if we go out. I have purchased numerous gifts for him. He even has a gift certificate for a restaurant that my parents gave him at Christmas- he never even took me out. He never got me anything for my birthday- not even a card. He had said we'd go out on Valentine's Day-dinner and a movie, but he wound up having to work and never made make-up plans. He did not get me a Christmas present, but I gave him one.

I told him on the phone that I have never asked for anything from him other than emotional support and that he asks me to carry a further financial burden not twenty minutes after I finished my credit counseling session. What the fuck is he thinking? I've been pushed over too many times. I let him walk all over me and I deserve more.

I was there for him when he was down, I was there for him when he didn't have money, I was there for him when he got fired, I was there for him, and this is how he treats me. Like an errand-girl, like his own private bank where you can make constant withdrawls, but no deposits.

So, I think I am done with him. He's not a healthy relationship. It was a great learning experience, but I can't keep being hurt by him. I asked him to call me so we could talk about this... did he? No. I tried to call him tonight to let him know that I want my monkey back, but he didn't answer his phone. Hiding? Fucking pussy if he is. I have no use for a man who can't be a man. Being a man isn't about dicks and balls, it's about facing up to responsibility, accepting the consequences of your actions, and knowing how to properly love a woman, but more importantly, knowing how to respect a woman.