I am the 411 operator.

My mom asked if I were mad at Kris, I reply no. For I am not angry with Kris, I am just enjoying my own company. Rarely have I enjoyed my own company so much. It's nice to just sit by myself, to think, to try to find movitation, to seek change within myself through myself and not someone else.

I heard from my doctor today about my lab results. I knew I was being a naughty diabetic, but I was surprised at how naughty I have been and yet, a little shocked that those tests didn't indicate I was naughtier than I thought. All in all, not a bad message to receive. I shall be going to see a diatician again, to become re-educated on the diabetic diet plan I should follow and a weight reduction diet. I am ready to try and conquer those diets whereas before I was forced to conquer them. And this time I must remind myself that I will make mistakes and just because I do so does not mean that I should give up completely. I should, no, I will keep trying. Failure occurs when we try and that is to be expected, and I must place that among my expectations and not require perfection from myself or others. No one attains perfection and if ones does attain perfection in one area of life, that person is sacrificing many other areas, thus leading to imperfection. Balance. I am on a tight rope and diabetes is cutting the rope. If I don't stop it, the tight rope will be cut and I will fall, and it will hurt.

I have unlimited long distance now. I enjoy that. I can call and pester anyone I want without having to get into my car and drive away from my apartment so my cell phone will work. I just pick up my home phone and dial. Qwest is beautiful.

Dr. Nordic God emailed me. He said he is flattered if he is indeed the right guy (he is). He wrote that he has been ill and been away from work, and shall be for quite a while longer. But when he gets back, I am supposed to introduce myself. He also made a smiley face. This made me giddy and quite fearful. It felt better when he hadn't written back. I can face rejection more easily when there is just a silent reply than a full out rejection or meeting face to face to introduce myself. Emailing is easy. It's private and hidden. I doubt I am bold enough to introduce myself in person. I fear I will not be able to.

I am going to run off now to make some pictures. I enjoy taking pictures and I don't think I'd ever want to do anything with it other than have it as a hobby. It's fun for me. Nothing more. I hope sometimes I get some good, lucky shots, and that I can show people them who will like them. Oh, I also have made a decision. I want to get my master's in library science. I am going to study for the GRE and take the test once more. This time I plan to study, to actually study beforehand, and then take the test. I would like to improve my math scores, which were bordering on horrible. Then, I want to find a school that has a library science program with classes offered on-line, which many schools do have, and I realize I have many years to finish. No pressure, just find out if this is what I really want, and if I really like it once I get into it.