Couples Counseling

I went to Andrew's counseling session with him. His therapist is very nice. She seems like an excellent therapst, one who would push you but not too hard. She does the paraphrasing thing though and I think I'd find that annoying after a while if I were alone with her, but it was a good thing for bridging the gap between Andrew and I. I learned some things about him today, that I hadn't known before, which would have been helpful to know before. Perhaps we could have talked to each other differently.

I think part of the reason I would react so severely when Andrew and I would talk seriously, is that I was so afraid of losing him. But losing him isn't so bad. I can function without him, whereas I didn't think I would be able to before. So, perhaps now if he and I needed to have a serious conversation, I could compose myself enough to talk. I cry and sob otherwise. Strange flip-flop, I used to be able to control my emotions so well, never cry even if I wanted to, and now I can't stop it. Perhaps I can find a happy balance, or maybe this is nature's way of telling me I need an outlet and crying is it.

His therapist asked if we were getting back together or where we are going from here. We both agreed that no matter what we would be good friends. He and I just have a chemistry together, something jives. Hearing him very much affirm that we will be friends was very nice. I said that any romantic/dating relationship would be up to Andrew but I asked if he was well enough to be in a dating relationship. Andrew said he didn't know and didn't know what would make him ready for one.

The thing that gets me though, is that no one else makes me respond like he does. It happened the first instant I saw him. The sparks, the I want to touch this man, I want to kiss him feelings, and I find it so hard to not do those things especially since I was once able to. I did ask for a hug when we parted and it felt good once more. There's just something about that man that gets to me, that makes me love him and want him.