I am sad today. There's no reason for the sadness other than I feel my life is hopeless. I see nothing bright and great in the future. I work in a dead-end job and I've applied for countless other job; but alas, I am not qualified to do anything I am finding out. I come home each and every night alone and while I enjoy living by myself, it's hard knowing that there's no one who's going to care where I am, that I could die in my apartment and no one would know for days.
I do things by myself, go to dinner, to movies, etc.
There's no one to comfort me after a bad day. It's just me, a pile of dirty dishes, and the silence. I feel ugly and I am ashamed of my body. It's grotesque and I wonder why I let myself get this way. But then, I never have the motivation to make it any other way.
No one is going to love me, no one even looks at me.
I've been taking my meds like a good girl, but medication can't make my life fulfilling and meaningful. Medication can't make me feel worth something.
I am sad today and I cry, and nothing can make it better.
1 comment:
I am sorry you feel this way. Motivation is a bitch. For example, I am supposed to be at yoga right now. However, I let every little thing go wrong, on purpose I think sometimes, so I don't have to go, even though I enjoy it. You are loved. Being alone sucks, I do all the things you said alone too. But I have learned to enjoy my own company, I hope you can do the same. As for jobs, let me give you a tip that my sister gives me a lot, You have a college degree. Maybe you aren't qualified for certain things, but don't aim low because you think you can't get jobs. I don't know what to say. I just want you to be happy and I know that is an internal battle, nothing I can do about that. But keep in mind, you can look forward to driving back with me at Christmas time. You give such great words on my blog, I hope I am getting close.
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