It's a hoopdy and a happdy

Fall is coming. I love and fear fall. Because that's what happens... the leaves drop, the sky descends sooner each day, and my emotions topple over into a basket case of a heap. Then the darkness of winter arrives, days without sun, days without feeling anything above zero degrees, days without hope. Sadness arrives, sadness and claustrophobia.

The snow makes the world smaller in some ways, the driveways and sidewalks lose their widths, the spaces between parking spots shrink, yet the world gets bigger. The piles of snow grow, the streets raise up an inch or two under the packed snow, we reach closer to the ceiling of clouds. Except, I stop reaching. I hold my hands to myself, I hole myself up in my room, and do not wish to live, do not want to talk, and do not want to do anything but sleep.

It feels so bewildering to love a season so much and to loathe it just as much. However, I am filled with dread concerning another matter. The Boy and I found a house we love. After seeing nine other houses, we walked into this one, smiled at each other, and nodded. We knew. You just know. It felt right. It seemed like us. I could imagine my furniture in each room, I could imagine a future in the backyard, a car in the garage, and our mess in the family room. We put an offer in and the sellers counter-offered. We accepted this counter offer.

Banks and lenders had already been visited and papers with stamps of pre-approval followed us joyfully around the area as our realtor showed up prospective properties. We've been to the bank again, things are in motion, and the house shall hopefully be ours.

During this process, there have been days where anxiety spiked and I was jittery with nerves. I told my co-workers what was going on while in training one day, and received an odd reaction from the substitute trainer. "You're buying a house?" Yes, we're buying a house. "Are you married?" No. "But you're buying a house?" Yes, we're buying a house. "But you're not married?" No, we're not married. "But you're buying a house?" Yes. "Isn't that backwards?" Not for us.

Why does she care if we are married? Why does she care if we are buying a house? Why does she think it's backwards? Further, why is she questioning me about it in a room full of people at work using her moral slant?

So, we may be homeowners. Well, I may be. It's only got my name. I looked to hire a lawyer to write up a document and the estimate I received made me want to make this lawyer eat his legal briefs. $175.00 an hour with no estimate of how many hours it would take, plus a retainer fee. I think not. If nothing else, I'll type something up and The Boy and I can sign it in front of a notary public, thus creating a legal document. How binding will that be? Binding enough to allow The Boy to keep his balls. That's what I threaten him with all the time... castration.

Such a fun game!