Updates

My heart is pounding, my skin feels like parchment paper, and it's my fault. I've been eating so poorly and haven't been taking my diabetes medication, or any of my medications for that matter. I don't see why this is so difficult. People make changes everyday in their lives and alter how they eat, how they think, how they take care of themselves and I can't seem to manage to give up desserts, pastas, or other carbs. I can't say no. I've never had will power though. I am not known for my ability to take a stand and stick with it.

I am wishy-washy. I change my mind. I am emotional and it effects everything I do. I eat because I am sad, because I am pmsing, because well frankly, a lot of times I can't think of anything better to do. :)

I don't know how to tell myself that I deserve to change for the better so that I don't end up in a coma, don't end up an amputee, blind, or any other complication because I decided that eating cake was a better choice.

I've applied for some new jobs. I intensely dislike the one I have, mostly for the sake of management. They are awful and seem to get great pleasure from punishing us. I don't quite understand their policy nor their attitude. They have one of the highest turn over rates I've ever seen. Over 75% of the people who work in our department have been there for less than eight months. Some of those in the top ten seniority levels have less than two years. I don't know why this is not seen as a problem. My employer must spend a fortune in training people.

I've been trying to finish one of my applications for grad school, however, I'm stuck on writing my academic and professional goals. What can I say? I want to do well in school and get a job when I am done that pays well. How do you write that in a minimum of 500 words or less. I used to be able to whip out essays like that in about five minutes. Now, I am struggling. I am afraid I have lost my touch. I am afraid I won't be able to get it back again if I do attend school once more. What if I can't write anymore?

My trip is coming up and I am trying to get everything ready for it. I have a few things I need to get done before I leave. I need to get an oil change, a haircut, get a bunch of stuff packed and ready to go, and I would like to surprise my boyfriend Wednesday night if I am all done with everything on time. But I think I shall be frantic Wednesday night and getting everything that I didn't get finished completed. If I don't get the chance to surprise him I shall be forced to wait two weeks to see him again and that's just not right. :)

I think I will keep a paper journal during my trip and then add those entries into here when I am back in cyberworld for all you to enjoy. ;)